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Kyle in the Big City

Nearly 4 years ago, Kyle arrived in the big city of Chicago, jobless.

He had spent the last 2 months frantically job searching from Minnesota, but, had as yet, received no call backs.

Desperation sunk in, and you could smell it on the emails he sent out. One of them actually listing his main selling point as:

"I'm new to the job market, and am therefore ill-versed in local labor laws".

One of them finally got a response. One where I offered that I be hired at a lower than normal salary, so that I may give them a chance to observe my computer prowess, without undue financial risk.

On September 10th 1999, Kyle rode the Elevated Train into Chicago for the first time. He was wearing a white button down shirt, and the only tie he owned.

On the way down, he was mocked, openly, by two teenage girls. He agreed with them, as he was sure it was apparent to all who saw him, that he had no possible reason for being in downtown Chicago, and, for all he knew, he had stumbled upon to the two girls "turf".

Coming up from the subway, Kyle turned around, staring into the four long building lined streets, already lost. He began to wander. Searching for a street name that was on the map he so obviously navigating by.

After locating the building, and sitting as akwardly as one could in a lobby, he had his interview. The man interviewing him was a portly man, ex-army guy with a shaved head, who, he would later learn, loved Brazil.

When asked why he wanted to be a programmer, Kyle gushed forth the most ridiculous, idealistic answer. Something to the effect of:

"I'm facinated by the idea that it's actually difficult to make a computer obe$logical commands. The fact that it *is* so hard, really means that what a programmer must do is to systematically remove all his own misconceptions and illusions from his world, until finally what he and the computer see are the same".

Leave it to Kyle, to paint stringing "if" statements and "for" loops as the true path to self-actualization. A mere four years later, the same idealized programmer would probably answer, "To crush your program specs, watch deadlines pass before you, and to hear the laminitations of the marketing department".

The bald angry man asked the boy to come back in an hour or two, for a second interview. Kyle, pretended to have no problems with this, even though it ment he's have to take an unprepared journey into the heart of the city.

Wandering around, looking for food, Kyle decided to try out the local indy pizza shop Giordano's. Inside, he was able to purchase a personal deep dish pizza and a coke for 6 dollars.

The pizza resembled a large cereal bowl of cheese, with the bowl itself made completely of baked butter.

It was fantastic, Kyle vowed to have one of these every day he worked in Chicago, they were so good. His colon would later give him a stiff talking to.

There concludes the tale.

For all interested, Kyle got the job, became sick of chicago deepdish pizza after a week, and died of colorectal cancer at 43.

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Meta Information:

Title: Kyle in the Big City
Date posted: 22 May '03 - 15:40
Filed under: General
Word Count: 540 words
Good Karma: 106 (vote)
Bad Karma: 92 (vote)
Next entry:  Enough is Enough
Previous entry:  Poser v Poser

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