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I was going through some old files, and found the below text, an actual resignation letter I wrote and submitted about 10 years ago.

I have left it untouched, except for nulling out some names, which was hard to do, because I really kinda wanted to edit out a few parts where I'm just clearly a jackass.


Dear MXXX, AXXX and I guess AXXXX, cuz she's the HR person... or should that be LXXXX. Hi LXXXX! You were really nice and it was a pleasure meeting you!

I have considered the following decision for many days, losing sleep, and waffling more than... let's say Belgium, because of that one type of waffle. Guh, lame start, forget all that. I call a redo.

This decision was really really hard for me. And, seeing as I'm super smart, that means the resulting circumstances were all the more equally balanced than if, say, just a normal person said a decision was hard to make.

Seriously, I do logic problems for fun, and this decision was like completing a Cross Sum #25, which, are like, way in the back of the book.

I have enjoyed my employment here a great deal, and appreciate the responsibilities and flexibility in which I have been entrusted. At other jobs, when I asked to do really crazy stuff, that no one had ever done before, they usually said "no", and maybe "you crazy!" in a funny voice. You would have thought that that would have stopped me from asking, but, lemme tell you, apparently it didn't, because, as I said before, I kept doing it.

Working as a team with AXXX was also one of the most satisfying things in my professional career to date, even beating out me getting to touch a Sun Enterprise 6500. I have the utmost respect for him, and will probably judge all my other co-workers to a completely unfair standard of brilliance and unrelenting competence forever more.

It was also a pleasure working with everyone else, such a collection of straight-up good guys and gals is a frightening statistical anomaly which we very well might find cited some day in an Tennessee Biology Book as supporting evidence for "Intelligent Design". Except for MXXXXX that is, but then no statistical anomaly is perfect.

The last three paragraphs were very subtle foreshadowing to the next one. If it's raining, or overcast, or even better, thundering ominously, then there may also be "pathetic fallacy" present. That's more foreshadowing right there. I think this whole paragraph here is called "a literary aside". I'm not sure though, I sorta coasted through college avoiding English classes.

So please consider this long-winded, and regrettably unprofessional letter of notice as my two weeks notice (or three I guess if I signed something that said I'd give three).

And as for the tone of this letter, please don't take it as an sort of flippancy or disrespect on my part. Quite the opposite, the fact I am going to such great lengths to employ humor is simply to help me attempt to disarm the great emotional weight this decision has for me.

And frankly, if you'd received a short, stuffy "Please consider this my two weeks notice", I believe that would simply be a far more disrespectful message in my mind. Three years is a long time, and I ain't afraid to bring such a parting down to a more intimate level.

Oh, I suppose I should mention the date, some website said so. It's Monday February 21st 2005, probably around 9 or 10 am CST. And, while I'm at it, in MySQL compatible format: "2005-02-21 10:00". And this one's for the many servers I leave behind, I shall think of you often. 1109001600.

Analog Signed,


While good, do you think it makes the top 3 "best/worst ways kyle has quit a job"?
by: Mike (contact) - 10 Nov '15 - 16:10
This kind of game gives a real experience of
by: James (contact) - 03 Oct '17 - 11:31


Meta Information:

Title: Unprofessional
Date posted: 09 Nov '15 - 10:15
Filed under: General
Word Count: 619 words
Good Karma: 31 (vote)
Bad Karma: 23 (vote)
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