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Self Defeating

So I'm tired.

I almost didn't include that bit, since it can seem like the hollow whining of a man hurtling through the air after having spent 9 months sitting in a ever tensing catapult basket.

Also, in general, few people in our modern age can make claims to complete and total rest. In terms of engaging interest, sleep complaints generally rank lower than the weather musings of 60 degree days.

Even so, with the knowledge that my audience is entirely unsympathetic and generally uninterested in this point, at the moment the cumulative lack of sleep seems so elemental right now that I can't, simply for posterity's sake, omit it's mention.

So, new job, new baby. Between these two variables being altered, essentially every facet of my daily life changed. For instance, I am now the sort of person who takes showers and wears shirts that have buttons instead of painfully obscure internet references.

Change is a terrifying proposition given that my previous job was one where I was allowed to essentially dictate the circumstances of completely. Walking to work, to sit next to two long-time friends, my largest responsibility to oversee work I had largely automated or engineered to the point of triviality.

The designer of the ground breaking MMO game "Everquest" once complained "Players will inevitably find the most boring way to play a game".

You'd think players would naturally invent ways to have fun in games, but in practice, reducing risk and variability is what they tend to look for. Left to their own devices, in a game world with tens of thousands of creatures, and several real-sized continents to explore, most players will inevitably seek out an isolated creature, in an unlit and unremarkable square room, who they can slay over and over again by pressing the same button, until it no longer gives any amount of reward.

Currently I am working harder than I ever have at both work and home. The amount of free time at both places hovers near non-existent.

Despite having lost, nearly 99% of my freedom from three weeks ago, I actually feel great.

I spend my days surrounded by people who actually need my help as opposed to those who just think they do. My home is now a place of less work than my work, as opposed to before.

Previously, going home meant "Stop browsing reddit to go be a parent", but now it means "Get to stop working and instead be a parent". The distinction seems petty and moot, I know. But so much of happiness seems to bob upon the relative ups and downs of the day, that even small perspective adjustments like this are capable of shifting long-stagnant water into clear, babbling brooks.

So in case you are wondering how I am: I am tired, I am working harder than I ever have at by both work and home and I wonder how much longer I can keep it up. A more difficult game to be sure, but far more fun to play.

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