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Movie Trailer Reviews

So I saw a movie this weekend. In a theater! I know, pretty big deal, and it is recent enough people might care about my review of it!

Sadly it is also the sixth of eight Harry Potter films, meaning that nobody likely cares what I thought, since, at this point, you're either going to watch them or not.

So that kind of bummed me out. But then I got to thinking "Hey, I saw some pretty neat trailers for movies, maybe I can review those!", and then I did:

The first trailer was for the new animated film by Spielberg called 9. It had me at Postapocolyptic anthropomorphic sackdolls. Only downside is it is yet another animated film which casts itself entirely with well known actors. There is a reason Elijah Woods is a star, and I disbelieve someone can have eyes that soulful as well as the ability to use his voice as his sole acting instrument. I mean, it would just be cosmically unfair.

Second trailer was for the new Sherlock Holmes "reboot". I remember being confused the second Robert Downey Jr was revealed to be the titular character, and after it was done I remarked to my wife "I don't recall there being that many explosions in Sir Doyle's stories...

Third Trailer was for a foreign film Captain Abu Raed. Has a cute enough premise. If you are going to see one Jordanian film this year, make it this one!

Fourth trailer was for Paper Heart a film seemingly so indie that it might be in danger of being an infinite ironic self-referential abyss. However, I have a total secret crush on Charlyne Yi ever since I stumbled upon her Glass Beef music videos, so was overjoyed to see her in something. Let's just hope the movie is better than the other half of Glass Beef's Paul Rust's initial offering I Love You Beth Cooper.

And those are the trailers I saw. Maybe I review them 6 months after they come out when I catch them on Netflix.

(Speaking of Netflix, I highly recommend the second ceason of Showtime's This American Life, it is truly amazing so far.)

First Date

She was in town for the first time after having moved away last year.

She had been in town a few days now, and I had seen much of her as she was staying at a friend's house. But on the third day, the friend had soccer practice, and asked if I wanted to spend some time with her. My attempt to dampen the desperate enthusiasm in my response failed.

I had gotten my license and a car since she had last seen me, and I took care to remove all the fast food refuse from the passenger seat leg area safely, moving it safely out of sight into the back seat leg area.

I then searched the mess of my room for 15 minutes trying to find the tiny canister of Freshmint Bianca I had purchased from Pamida three months previous. Three squirts ought to be enough.

I picked her up, and she was lovely. She was undefinably different from the year away, but completely familiar.

I had put a lot of thought into what we should do. Maplewood Mall was clearly the most entertaining destination, and the best to show off the fact that I am legally entitled to operate a motor vehicle. So off we went.

Our first destination was Best Buy, where wandering around looking at electronic goods and media was a chief past-time of my friends and I. However, after entering, she seemed to stand their purposelessly, and not just in a vexing indecision as to what area to peruse first. So I helped her out, walking over to the computer section where we could mess with the installations on the display models.

This seemed to entertain her far less than it did my friends and myself, so I moved us along to the Entertainment Center section, surely even she would be entranced by the tantalizingly large and expensive displays of audio visual equipment.

Again, she seemed to look more at me than the shelves full of technological wonders. This was not going well.

So I skipped past my planned "cool down" activity of wandering through the DVD and CD aisle, and decided to just straight to the main event.

Leaving the store, we waited for a break in traffic to walk over to the mall complex itself. I decided that since the Best Buy odyssey had taken only a few minutes that I'd fill out some of the lost time by walking instead of driving there. During the walk she asked what we doing next, and I refused to tell, counting on the shock of the destination reveal to turn things around.

Our destination was a new store in the mall which offered two virtual reality booths. You donned a full helmet, held a gun and stood upon a sensor pedestal and shot at each other and virtual pterodactyls. I had not yet experienced this, largely due to cost, but was sparing no expense.

I offered that we could both play, and she refused saying she didn't want to play, but I could go ahead.

This was not in the plan, but she was adamant and resisted all my attempts at cajoling her to play.

I briefly considered simply leaving, but didn't want to tip my hand at how important it was that we do this together.

So I bought a ticket, stepped onto the pedestal and donned the requisite garments.

The effect was quite neat, and given any other circumstances I would have been ecstatic with wonder. As it was, I was counting the minutes until it was over. I had meant for this to be a unique interaction between the two of us, but instead she was watching me in the real world twist about like an idiot, seemingly dragged here against her will so that I could fool about with a new game. Luckily for me the helmet hid my look of pained sorrow.

I put on a fake smile before removing the helmet, and suggested we grab something from the food court. We looked and she didn't see anything she wanted to eat, which was fine with me, as I had already chalked up the entire thing as an irrevocable failure. Better over sooner than later.

We started to drive back, and the rest of my memories are just of the intense anger I felt towards myself for having botched up this rare opportunity so completely.

Presumably I was in a non-communicative funk most of the time, having committed most of my brainpower towards punishing myself.

I don't remember dropping her off, I hope I had the good sense to put on a good face, but doubt that I did.

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