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Stuff I *never* do during work

I'm on vacation for a week.

Here's some things on the internet that I enjoy:

Nerd Funnies by Tripod:

Weighty Decisions starring Ed Helm and Rob Corddry.

Hardly Working.'s Campaign Update, a Daily Hyperdense 2 minute Slurry of Current Events and Funny.

And when that runs out:

Because Youtube's front page is useless.

Hobbit or Not

Many people say or do things they regret while tipsy, I am no exception.

Two weeks ago whilst in Chicago, my male friend Kamil who has a better blog than me broke out some Romanian plum moonshine, of which he observed all relevant customs laws bringing back with him into our country.

Even though I really only had a taste of the stuff, it was enough to give me the confidence to loudly proclaim that my toes were very much like a hobbit's.

Jeers of disbelief and reproach rose up from both Kamil and My male friend Jason who doesn't have a blog. My male friend Mike who doesn't have a blog was present, but more reserved, saying nothing on the matter. One can only assume that he possesses toes one might confuse with an elven princess, and that his silence was an attempt to cloak his toe shame.

The arguments became quite heated, and in attempt to halt the argument before it escalated, I declared that we should let the Internet arbitrate for us, letting it's denizens determine who amongst us possesses the most "Bilbo-esk" of feet (Which I'm pretty sure is the reason the Greeks invented Democracy in the first place).

Pictures were taken on my camera phone, and forgotten until I came across them last night. But are now available for your viewing.

So go cast your vote.

And go here to keep track of the results.

The foot display order on the voting page is randomized to control for display bias. And I shall be monitoring the IP addresses of those voting in case ballot stuffing occurs, or if my toes aren't winning by enough.

Kids These Days

Here is the intro for a show called "Boohbah" on PBS HD. Words fail me.

The Weekly Show

This is me plugging the weekly show called "infoMania" on

It's format is vaguely reminiscent of The Daily Show, which isn't a surprise since it was developed by the co-creator of TDS Madeleine Smithberg.

What is a surpise is how favorably it compares. If nothing its fresher take on the format serves to highlight how much TDS has been aging.

You can either watch all their clips individually, or all rolled up in a "grandpa's TV shows" format. I personally enjoy the rolled up version.

( Although I make an exception for some of Sarah Haskins truly outstanding contributions: here and here.)

Yet Another Iraq Post

So, America has a lot of problems right now.

Our economy is getting anvils dropped on its testicles. Americans are growing war weary as the hopes for any sort of decisive victory fade away. And Muslims in the region are growing increasingly convinced that the U.S. is doing it all because we are enemies of their faith.

As luck would have it, I have a ridiculous, yet humorously plausible solution to propose!

As in any situation, we just need to turn the *weaknesses* of the current war into *positives*. So we invaded a sovereign nation, murdered hundreds of thousands of it's inhabitants, tried to take it's natural resources all against the will of the United Nations.

So what's the positive there? That the United Nations will ignore us if we invade a sovereign nation and take it's stuff!!!

Really the only problem with their original plan, was trying to steal something as unportable as underground oil reserves.

Another problem with the war in Iraq, is that it lacks a good villain. Insurgents don't wear uniforms, in fact, they're often indistinguishable from the civilians! Again, the idea of us facing a big scary enemy was good, but the casting was wrong. They should have gone with Nazis.

"But Kyle, you say, there really aren't any Nazi's around any more."

Well, there weren't any Al-Qaida in Iraq either (I mean, it was a secular state), so all we have to do is *claim* there are Nazis.

"But Kyle, how is any of this going to help the falling dollar?"

That's a good question me! The biggest problem with oil, is that it's cost is still pegged to the dollar, and that's getting lapped by the Canadian dollar. What we need is a lot of a strong currency. Euros ideally.

So here's the plan. We pull all of our troops out of Iraq. On their way home, we have them make some "stops" at key European banks, accuse them of hoarding old Nazi treasure, give them 24 hours to admit to it, when they don't we bust in with all the shock and awe we can muster, and "liberate" all those old Nazi Euros. The troops then come home, having vanquished the Nazi's, yet again, and come barring war chests, adorned with spray paint swastikas, overflowing with billions of a stable currency.

"But Kyle, won't that make all of Europe mad?"

Probably, but they're already mad at us, and we've been testing their limits for awhile now. Ignoring the Geneva convention both on the field and off, kidnapping their citizens and torturing them, running secret torture camps on their soil, and sending Tom Cruise to film a movie there.

Of those only the Tom Cruise thing really seemed like we had stepped too far...

"But isn't stealing wrong?"

Morally speaking, just stealing some money seems hand over foot more ethical than any of that other stuff. I mean, if having the military rob banks saves just one Iraqi civilian life, I think it's our moral imparative to do so.