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So I joined a church yesterday.

I don't really have a single reason for doing it, just a bunch of little ones. The reasons run the gambit from simple and explainable to jibberingly long, headache inducing justifications of my personal world view.

Originally, I was going to post all of the reasons.

But then I remembered that people are very rarely interested in other people's opinions on religion. With good reason really, the scientific method is great and all, but it really does fall apart when the target of the discussion is nearly guaranteed to be different for every participant.

So instead of lots of crap you probably aren't interested in, I kept the funniest reason.

Pessimism takes a lot of forms these days, regardless of the sector you're looking at environmental, economic, political, social, it's easy to find something to wring your hands over.

So, as a "leap prematurely to the last solution" type of guy I am, I sometimes consider various apocolypse scenarios, and how it'd play out. "For fun" of course. But these exercises invariably lead me aching to own some sort of tool to protect me and mine "in case of emergency".

Such tools range between water jugs to bank excess water in, to a week's supply of food, to owning a shotgun, a gas generator, maybe learning how to ride motorcycle to easily traverse jammed freeways, to googling the cost of a cabin in the middle of nowhere.

Sadly, Elyssa put an end to all this business at the "weeks supply of food" portion, banishing firearms from the house, and thus, there is always a lingering concern that, being short and not particularly strong, that the reinstatement of a dog eat dog world has predictable outcomes.

Church, of course, while not marketted as such, provides a far more elegant solution to the problem.

The actual issue is not that I lack the means to provide or protect myself. The issue is that I *think* there would be no one in the community willing to help me, and that nearly everyone would be brandishing make shift clubs, ready to slaughter their way to my 1 liter tin of peanut butter.

When, in actuality, once you get to know the people around you, it's far more difficult to imagine them as hordes of animals waiting to be let loose at the first sign of inconvenient disease or supply chain issues.

So, one might say, that the true solution to my problem was restoring my faith in the spirit of humanity.

Anyone who says that is dumb, and will not be given any of the food that our church salvages from the food bank we run, which will be guarded day and night by our militarized choir squads.

Sarcastic Narcissism

Good news for those who like staring into my eyes at work!

I have added a new feature to that page that allows you to "tag" a picture for posterity so that it may stay around to forever mock me.

I'm still playing around with it right now, but my hope is to eventually make it into a "crowd sourcing" solution to help stem my habit of biting my nails.

I have provided a sample list of tags, but if any others strike you, lemme know and I'll add them.

No Cake For You

Each and everyone of you has let me down.

I am completely alone and isolated.

I am in dire need of someone to share how awesome this video is, but alas, I know no one who has played and beaten the game Portal.

Where my nerds at?


Who is cribbing from me now?

I submitted a comedic news story 5 years ago to BBSpot, and while it makes me cringe a little to read it now, at least it successfully linked my name and the "B" word on Google, guaranteeing that I'll be the first against the wall when the fascist stormtroopers arrive.

This morning, I see this article on The Onion. Which has a familiar substance.


Worse yet, is they not only stole a notion of my idea, but then they went and made it funnier and more fleshed out! Rude.

Now if only half my friends were lawyers.... =)

The Winter of our Incontinence

It has happened 5 months earlier than I thought it has, I am now officially old.

This morning, not only did I voluntarily don a "scarf". But after I got to my destination, I thought to myself "Sure am glad I wore that scarf!"

Stephen Craned!

Sometimes I feel like I have too much time on my hands...

Waste your own life here!