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Be Prepared (to whine)

I don't know what a normal person would do upon not being able to locate the can opener in the draw where it always is. But here's what I did.

  1. My initial assumption was that this was a direct act of malice upon me by my wife
  2. My second thought, was that perhaps she had placed it in the dishwasher, possibly out of malice, or for some equally crazy reason like "cleanliness"
  3. I then wondered aloud, to my dog, who was staring very attentively with an interested tilt to her head, "How does a can opener even get dirty?"
  4. I thought about opening the dishwasher to see if it was there. However, since I knew the dishwasher to be dirty, and taken into account with my reaction above, it stood to reason that, even if the can opener was in there, it was presumably dirty (if only, now, by association). And since I had no idea how a can opener was to become dirty, it followed that I would have no idea how to clean it. QED, regardless of it's contents, opening the dishwasher was a waste of time.
  5. Instead, I looked in the drawer under where it should be, in case it somehow got pushed up and over the back lip of the drawer into the dark cabinet abyss that is the drawer beneath it.
  6. I then looked in the drawer where it should be, twice more.
  7. Finally, I opened my Leatherman, and eyed the strange black streak across the "can opener" bit.
  8. However, due to conclusion #3, it was fruitless to speculate on it's cleanliness, thus I opened the can "old skool".

At this point, I have forgiven my wife for her cruel prank upon me, as opening a can with a Leatherman is undeniably satisfying.

It is also easily the most manly thing I have done in months.

It is, In fact, *so* manly, that it makes my previous #1 of "Feeding a pony an apple", seem downright feminine.

The Improbable Dream

So I have noticed something about all the Iraq coverage I have seen and read.

In short, the conclusions almost every single expert seems to arrive at, is that, no matter what we do, We're Boned

Most of them at least talk about a time when things could have gone better. But I really have yet to find one yet, who is anything short of glum or dour.

Which seems strange, since these people are paid to speculate, and not a single one of them can come pull a single plausibly positive chain of events out their arse?

However, I have also come across these other articles...

Cat Raises Rottweiler

NASA Plans Moon Base

Rottweiler raises Sheep

Lab accident yields possible cancer hope

Plan to stop global warming with algae

Now, it seems strange to me, that all the above things, were reported in a light, which makes them seem downright likely.

There seems to be only one reasonable conclusion from this data.

The war in Irag is not one against terror. It is a war on probability.

Careful planning has clearly gone into making Iraq an absolute "nexus" of Impossibility.

A massive project, which has, apparently, required gathering up all the impossibility and futility in the world and concentrating it in a single place. resulting in massive shortfalls elsewhere, whose positive effects can be seen above.

Although, don't expect the party to last too long, it is only a matter of time before some corporation begins manipulating this low supply of malaise on the commodity market of sorrows, and begins charging grandmothers dollars on the minute as they wait in quiet desperation for their children to call them.


So a friend of mine posed the question the other day, "Why are humans capable of such evil?"

I gave this some thought, and gave what I thought to be, at the time, a pretty respectful answer. Maybe not *the* answer, but at least a tad insightful.

Thinking about my answer a couple days later, I realized that my answer was pretty much shit, with a little bull thrown in for good measure. But tonight I got what I thought might be a better stab at it.

Looking at it from a bit of a different angle. Less the "why are we evil" and more "why don't we do good?".

Now given that it's tax time, I've been looking over my charitable contributions for the year, and I am less than enthused. I thought I'd chosen good charities, but just giving an organization an abstract money does nothing to really address the vague sense of general helplessness to actually affect positive change. It feels as real as an excel spreadsheet listing names and dollar amounts.

It was at this point I got an idea. A way that technology, specifically the Internet (notice lack of plural, I worry about it's jocular use may someday become the norm, but maybe that the Idiocracy talking), can help us become the better people we want to be, in a way past technologies have failed to.