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Monkey God Love


"Hanuman, we really need to talk about this."

He didn't hear her.

"How do I look lovely one?"

He was disguised as a royal harem dancer.

"What are you up to now?"

"Using this guise I am going to get the Sultan drunk, get invited back to his room, and under cover of his dark room, I am going to change places with an untouchable girl with a nasty case of lover's itch!"

"Oh Hanuman, can't that wait, there is something I really would like to discuss."

"Sorry prize, dusk is nearly here, and his court is just getting going, see you at sunrise!"




She nearly fell off her branch the first time she saw him. She had been so young.

He appeared at the top of her family's tree, swung lazily and impossibly gracefully down the branches. He was terribly handsome, and barely seemed to be looking where he was leaping, his eyes locked on her the entire time.

He swung past her father with the barest of nods, and with a mighty leap and triple flip, ended up hanging upside down by his tail, right infront of her. He produced the finest fruit she had ever seen from somewhere, and extended it to her.

She knew his reputation well enough to know there was surely more to this, but she couldn't have reached for the apple if she wanted, so frozen was she by the awe of his presence.

"My hand is not a vine mylady, this is wilting even now."

Her mother swung up from a lower branch, and faced the monkey god.

"We have no interest in your trickery today Hanuman, go bother another tree."

"Oh, no trickery today I assure you, I have come with a proposal," he seemed to purr the last word, making her tingle.

"If it is my daughter's tail you are after than you needn't bother, she is promised to another, it'd be great trouble for all involved to undo that."

"Quite right, I wouldn't have her if you'd have given her away so easily anywhere, for that'd certainly be a sign she shared her mother's regrettable mite condition. I propose a game."

"Of course you do" the matriarch snorted.

"It is simple enough, I shall make a statement, and you are to tell me if it is the truth, or a lie. If you are correct, I will leave you with the fruit and begone, if not..." He flashed a grin her way.

"Go on then, I dare not deny you a game, I know how you love them so."

Hanuman clapped and swung a full loop on the branch he dangled from.

"You are both honor bound not to repeat the revelation that I am about to impart. For too long I have guarded a quite embarrassing secret, you see, I have no tail."

Her mother snorted, and her own heart sank. For a second there she had thought the great god had come to court her, that she had picked her as the most desirable mate in the land, but his obvious lie revealed that he was just her to mock her, to mock the idea that anyone would want her. She had to try hard not to bare her teeth in anger.

"Lie. Honestly, given your reputation I expected something more difficult. Can we be rid of you now?"

"Oh you may certainly be rid of me now madam, but not before I take my prize. You see, my words were the truth."

Her mother adopted an aggressive stance, put her face to his upside down face, white beginning to show.

"Well, if you have no tail Mr. Hanuman, may I ask what is allowing you to hang as you are?"

Hanuman's a wider grin and raised eyebrow were his only response.

Her mother understood well before she did, gasping, and then immediately becoming docile.

Her words was barely audible. "My daughter, you now belong to this man, I wish you both happiness." And she swung away without another word.

She was very confused while they traveled together, she was worried that it was still all some sort of mistake. It wasn't until an hour later back Hanuman's palace bedroom where she learned the surprising and happy truth of the matter.




"Hanuman, let's play a game."

This got his attention.

"What do you have in mind my flower?"

"I will make a statement that is either true or false. No matter what you guess, right or wrong, you win. Otherwise I win."

She now had his full attention, possibly for first time since their initial night together.

"And what do you get if you win?"

"One wish granted."

He laughed heartily, and seemed to be enjoying the game so far.

"Agreed, by all means, let's play!", he clapped excitedly.

She took a deep breath, stared into his eyes and said "I don't love you anymore."

His smile faded. He opened his mouth, and closed it without a word.

After a while he asked, not looking at her, what wish she would have.

"To go home Hanuman. To go home."

The Goblin Prince and the New Outhouse

There once was a small village founded around a copse of trees.

From this small forest the villagers took a surprising amount of wood to build their houses, carts, plow frames and anything else they had need of.

The villagers also dug a latrine in the middle of the forest, so that they may rid themselves of things they had no need of anymore in private.

In this small forest lived a small goblin prince, and he found this situation quite delightful. He had quite a many trees, so thought nothing of exchanging it for the daily visits by humans, and being a very young goblin, he found the idea of various body eliminations quite humorous and delightful.

And so it went on, the young goblin continued to make the forest thrive and provide wood, as well as watching over the villagers at some of their most vulnerable moments. He made sure animals didn't dig up their latrine pit, or bring disease to it. In exchange, he occasionally pushed people into the latrine when they least expected it, or would smudge their fine linens in places they were unlikely to notice.

These jokes made the goblin laugh and laugh, and he thought it a fair trade for the bounty and prosperity his woods had brought them.

One day, while the goblin was enjoying a sleep atop the latrine, a carpenter with a load of wood from another forest happened upon the town, and heard their tales of evacuous woe. He immediately offered his services to build them a small outhouse atop the latrine, so that they may no longer accidentally foul themselves or their clothes.

The village was unianimous in their support, so the carpenter wheeled his cart out to the latrine to begin his work immediately. And not seeing the patron of the small forest amidst the muck and filth he began his construction atop the sleeping prince. He was a skillful in his trade, and easily finished before the goblin prince awoke.

The goblin prince woke up confused and frightened. He found himself in some sort of dark cage fashioned of foreign wood, which he was forbidden by vow to touch. He was terribly frightened, and when a little girl came to try the new latrine, opened the door letting in light it startled him greatly.

But he was not the only one who was startled, the littler girl, not expecting a howl from the new toilet was equally startled and she fled crying, leaving the door ajar. Seeing his way out, the goblin prince deftly leapt up through the hole in the latrine and out the door.

While scaring the girl was kind of funny, the goblin could not help feeling hurt at the perceived treachery of the townspeople, and so he set off to visit his father for advice.

He traveled 3 days and nights to his father's deep forest, which was so vast and untamed that the humans around it would whisper warnings not to venture too far in lest they never return. But to the goblin prince it was a warm and inviting place and he knew the name of nearly every tree there.

At last he reached the middle, and after relaying the story to his father, his father issued advice.

"It seems they have lost respect for you son, perhaps you should give them a reminder of whence their fortune comes?"

"But how am I too do that father?", asked the little goblin.

"Take a deep breath of the air from the middle of my forest, and do not release it until you reach yours vassals. It shall remind them of the horror that could be were we not so kind."

The goblin thanked his father for the advice, and after taking the deepest of breaths of the moist earthen air, he began running back home, the air so comfortable in his lungs he felt no need to exhale it.

It was deepest midnight by the time the goblin prince returned to his hamlet, his face was nearly purple from having held his breath for three days, as he had stretched the sustaining power of the breath for ever so long.

And he had only barely made it to the outer most house in the village before the air squeezed its way out of him.

A great roar, as if the very island they stood on was the belly of an enormous bear came forth out of the goblin prince's mouth. The little girl who was at the latrine awoke first, and she was so frightened that she screamed at the top of her lungs. Her mother in the room next door got up to scold her, and to tell her to hush, but instead of stern rebuttals, the mother found she could only scream. She turned towards her husband, who hearing his daughter and wife screaming, and fearing the worse, began screaming as well. Their neighbors, hearing the trio of non-stop screams were startled awake as well, and instead of saying "oh my, what do you think that is about" to one another, only screams came out, which genuinely frightened each other person, until they were both willingly screaming.

It spread rapidly from there, until the entire village was running around outside their houses, all issuing terrified screams about how none of them seemed able to do anything but scream.

It was at this point, that the little girl got it in her head that all of this must have been caused by the new outhouse, that it was clearly haunted by a wicked spirit doing this to them, and she began gesturing to the other adults to follow her.

Eager to follow anyone who may know what was going on, the village followed the little girl, screaming uncontrollably all the way.

When they arrived at the latrine, the little girl began trying to push it over, but was too small. Several of the other children came to her aide, but it was still not enough, for the carpenter was clever and did honest work. Finally all the adults joined in, and together with them pushing they managed to topple the outhouse over, smashing it down upon a large rock, shattering its timbers to splinters.

Of course, in the process of doing this, nearly the entire town had fallen head first into the pit beneath the latrine. Which delighted the goblin prince enough, that he immediately lifted his father's curse upon them, so that they might retunr home and get some rest.

The forest continued to provide all the wood the town needed, and the next carpenter who offered to build them an outhouse was run straight out of town.

The End.

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