You are a balding, single, investment banker in his 50's.

You have been exchanging emails with a biotech engineer with a seemingly grand plan.

He is offering to engineer a virus that will kill every non-inoculated man on earth, he only needs a couple Million in funding.

The amount of money you donate to him directly determines the zone of women that will be set aside for you.

You had some qualms about it at first, but you figure that something like this is an eventuality that you might as well survive.

And if this man can make it so you never have to go on another blind date again, it will be worth every cent.

A sentiment you hope your legions of similarly unscrupulous children will agree with.

As you eye your stockpiles of food, you make a mental note to add a "minimum caloric intake" field to your concubine pre-screening form.

Happy I'm Still Stealing Your Premise Day!

Today you came out of the grocery store to find a shopping list under the windshield of your car.

Closer examination reveals it to be the shopping list of a crazy person, as it is a seemingly random collection of products and brands, with lines and arrows circling in an incestuous web.

You let it go, allowing the wind to snatch it, and the list, which comprises the life work of the ex-Secretary of Health, who had discovered a plot by the nation's richest to slowly poison the rest of the populace lest they become immortal like them.

He was being chased by government agents after he escaped the shuttered CIA house where they had been keeping him so that he might be sacrificed in a grand and ceremonial manner as an enduring example to all. Placing the list of tainted items on your car was his last hope of getting the information out.

You close the car door, and consider whether it's safe to drive while eating Pringles.